Modern Family
by Quist
Summary: The messed-up antics of the Fire Nation Royal family, in the twenty-first century. Modern AU oneshots in a non-chronological order.
1. Wedding Reactions, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

The wedding invitation, printed on crisp, white paper, fluttered to the ground.

Zuko stared at the paper, opened his mouth, closed it without saying a word, and sat down on the armchair. Hard.

"Wow," Azula finally said, "Mai must have been really mad at you, if she agreed to marry Dad."


	2. Wedding Reactions, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

Ty Lee was blubbering. Azula handed her a tissue.

"How could he?" Ty Lee wailed. "How could Mai? We're supposed to be friends—what kind of person marries her friend's ex-husband?"

"What kind of person marries her friend's father?" Azula muttered under her breath. "Oh, wait, both of mine."

"What did you say, Azula?"

"Have another tissue, Ty."


	3. Wedding Reactions, Part 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

"By the way, Dad's getting married to Mai."

Ursa choked on her tea. Azula smiled.

Wiping at her mouth daintily with the napkin, Ursa fixed her gaze on her daughter. "Your little friend, Mai?"

"The one who dumped Zuzu," Azula said happily. Ursa winced. Two-zero.

"Isn't she," Ursa searched for the right word to use, "your age?"

"Oh, yes." Azula gave her mother a hard stare. "You know, the age difference is about the same as you and Uncle Fuddy-Duddy."

Three strikes, you're out.


	4. What Goes Around

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

Mai looked at Ty Lee. Then at Ozai. Then back at Ty Lee.

Then she realized. "Hell, no. _I_ 'm not going to tell Azula that her _best friend_ married her _father_!"


	5. Making Friends, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

The first time Mai had refused her, Azula had scoffed, walked away, and promptly reduced Mai's homework—and her lunchbox, and her backpack—to ashes. The second time, she'd tossed a burning match onto Mai's skirt; only the timely intervention of the janitor had saved Mai's clothes from going the same way as her school supplies. The third time, Azula had set fire to her hair. Mother had to cut off six singed inches; she'd cried as she did so, while Mai silently wondered how Azula had gotten close enough to do that without Mai noticing.

There hadn't been a fourth time.

"I surrender," Mai said loudly when she saw Azula coming her away again.

Azula smirked. "Silly Mai. You're supposed to say, 'Of course I'll be your friend, Azula.'"


	6. Making Friends, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

Clothed entirely the garish hot pink Mai would quickly learn to associate with her, Ty Lee had arrived in the middle of November, a new student at the Royal Academy for Girls. Her obnoxiously fancy hair ribbon and trusting smile screamed little kid.

"Hi, everyone," she'd chirped after the teacher had introduced her to the class, "I'm Ty Lee."

There were sniggers, and someone called out, "We know that, stupid!"

The teacher shushed the class.

But Mai's attention was completely drawn to Azula, who had been slouching in her own chair on Mai's left, because Azula had suddenly sat up straight. There was an unholy light in Azula's eyes, the same one Mai remember seeing a year earlier when Azula had, for reasons she still didn't know, fixated on having Mai for a friend.

Or possibly henchwoman. Mai wasn't entirely sure Azula understood the difference.

Azula waited until recess to make her move. Two of the meaner kids—not the meanest, of course, that distinction was reserved for Azula herself—had surrounded her.

Azula made short work of them both.

"You saved me!" Ty Lee cried afterwards as she squeezed Azula, who patted her awkwardly on the back.

That wasn't entirely true. Ty Lee remained a victim, of course, but she was _Azula_ 's victim. The other bullies on the playground quickly learned to leave Ty alone.


	7. Wedding Reactions, Part 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender

* * *

"You know," Mai said thoughtfully as the tailor pinned up her wedding dress, "You're the only person who hasn't tried to warn me off marrying Ozai."

Azula shrugged. "I got it all out my system last time with Ty Lee."

"Speaking of Ty, apparently she's your grandmother's favorite daughter-in-law."

"The old lady told you that?"

"Only about a million times."

"Look at it this way. Grandmother wanted her sons to marry proper 1920's-style housewifes. Instead, she got Mom, who dumped Dad and then married Uncle, and you, who dumped Zuko and is going to marry Dad. At least Ty didn't dump a guy in the family for another guy in the family."

"I notice you said 'guy.'"

"Oh, shut up."


	8. The Divorce, Part 1

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

"You cheated on me with Iroh?"

"Yes, now can we—"

"You _cheated_ on me with Iroh?"

"Ozai, I'm—"

"You cheated on me with _Iroh_?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry, okay?" Ursa all but shouted. "Now can we please sign the papers and get this over with?"

"No, _I_ 'm sorry." Ozai shook his head. "You're the one who slept with Iroh."


	9. The Divorce, Part 2

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

"That scheming harlot! How dare she?"

Azulon hummed his agreement with his wife's rage as he flipped through his newspaper.

"I told Ozai not to marry her. I _told_ him. But did he listen?"

"Obviously not," Azulon replied.

"No, he didn't! And now, that woman has run off with Iroh! She is no longer welcome under my roof, I'm telling you."

"You've never welcomed her under your roof, dear."

"Haven't I? Well, good. I knew her for the shameless harlot she was the moment I saw her!"


	10. Relationship Advice

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

"He's too boring for you, Mai."

Mai thought about Kei Lo. He was so different from Zuko, from Ozai. Much safer. And not related to Azula. That was definitely a plus.

"Maybe I like boring."

Azula started to snort, then halfway through turned her reaction into a disapproving tut. It was a very _Ursa_ thing to do, not that Mai would never say that to Azula's face.

"Please. He's your…rebound, after that mess with Father. In two weeks, you'll be more than ready to kick him out the door."

"Says the girl who has never been in a romantic relationship in her life."

"What about Ty—"

Mai raised her eyebrows, and waited.

Azula scowled. "I hate you."


	11. The Divorce, Part 3

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

Zuko, Ursa thought, had taken the news of his parents' impending split quite well. He had cried, sulked, and locked himself in his room, but she waited until he came out and had a long talk with him, and he was grudgingly accepting of the idea that his parents were divorcing.

Azula's reaction had been even better. In fact, if anything, she was more friendly with Ursa now. She was even helping Ursa pack her things.

"You're not upset?" Ursa asked carefully. "Azula, it is fine if you want to talk about it. This is a big change."

"I'm fine, Mom. In fact, I'm better off without a shameless harlot like you interfering with my life anyway."

Ursa dropped the socks she had been folding.

"What did you say, young lady?"

Azula turned innocent eyes on her mother. "That's what Grandmother said when I told her you were leaving Dad for Uncle Iroh."


	12. Baby Brother, Part 1

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

* * *

"Say hello to Lu Ten," Ursa told her elder two children as she cradled the newborn so that they could see him.

Zuko scowled. "He looks like a monkey. Can't you ask Mama Stork to take him back?"

"Zuko!" Ursa was shocked. She had expected this sort of behavior from Azula.

"I don't think it works like that, dum-dum," her daughter piped up. "Everyone knows if you want to get rid of a baby real fast if you leave it at the fire station."

"Azula!"


End file.
